As I raised my hands to worship, I heard it echo through my mind, “You’re such a hypocrite. Put your hands down, you know what you did just this week”. I obediently responded, “Right, right, how dare I think I can worship after what I did.” On another occasion I was about to take communion and heard the same voice, “You’re such a hypocrite. You’re going to take communion after what you looked at this week online? Really?” This time I didn’t yield to the voice, instead I went ahead and took communion. However, I spent the next several days fearful that I had taken the Lord’s supper unworthily and that I was going “to pay for it”. And so it went. After a fall if I would go to pray, “You’re such a hypocrite”. Or if I’d listen to worship music in my car, “You’re such a hypocrite”. Even if I’d want to tell someone of the benefits of Calvary there came that familiar voice, “You’re such a hypocrite”.
This voice long held me captive, until one day I heard another voice speak to me about my hypocrisy. It was the voice of the Lord. He actually did confirm for me that I was indeed being a hypocrite. But I was being hypocritical so to speak, in a way that was much different than the condemning voice spoke to me. Whenever I would hear the familiar internal phrase, “You’re such a hypocrite” it came when I was doing something that would be considered pleasing to the Lord. What the Lord spoke to me was that by definition someone is acting hypocritically when they are living in a manner that is contradictory to who they really are. He spoke to me that when I worship, pray, tell of His goodness, take communion, etc., I am NOT acting hypocritically. I am actually living out my true identity, so those things don’t make me a hypocrite. I am a blood bought, cleansed, free, righteous, and loved child of God. All the actions I mentioned above are consistent with my true identity. What is not consistent with my true identity is my sin. When I fall to temptation, and am sinning, it is then that I am acting hypocritically the Lord showed me. He did not show me this in a condemning way. As a matter of fact, it was quite the opposite. He spoke it with such love and encouragement. It was as if I could almost see Him smiling, and saying, “That’s not who you are, step up here and see who you truly are, and let me help you live out of who I see you to be”. Wow! What a difference between His voice, and the voice I originally was hearing. .
Dear brother or sister who struggles (uhm, that would be all of us), Please stop believing the lie that your identity is defined by what you do or have done. Your identity was settled 2000 years ago on Calvary. You are a blood bought and free child of God. This life is a sanctification process where we get to learn how to walk out with Jesus who we really are. Let’s pray for the courage to live out who He says we are.
Lord, help me to believe you and not the voices of my sin, my past, or others. I am who You say I am. I am not defined by anything other than Calvary. Give me the grace to understand this. I yield to what you say about me, and will find my freedom by believing Your truth, not the condemning lies of the enemy. I trust You to complete Your work in me, and to lead me to anyone and anything that You have destined for that journey. Father, by faith I choose to believe You! Amen.
Kimberly ~ Counselor, speaker, teacher, author and most importantly broken but beloved daughter of Jesus.