"The need to know is in direct opposition to the need to trust".
Last night when I read this quote (probably more like "near quote") at a small group we are having at my church I was momentarily stunned. Like any good counselor who still has some of their own issues to deal with, my initial thought was, "Wow, I've seen this played out SO many times in the lives of my clients". The Spirit nudged me (and I'm pretty sure He was grinning when He did) and said, "Wow, I've seen this played out SO many times in YOUR life, daughter." You just have to love the way God has this unmatched ability to gently rebuke you, and make you feel more loved than anyone who ever lived at the same time.
In that moment I was struck with the reality that this analytical nature (AKA: worrier, control freak, etc.) of mine is in direct opposition to me trusting God. As much as I think I need to "know" ~ I simply need to trust. Yet, what we need most is where we often fight the hardest. Although at some level I already knew the above quote, and had mentioned in it in some variation to countless clients, it suddenly became more real to me last night. That moment where you know that the light has been shown and you are suddenly no longer allowed to plead ignorant or have an excuse.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;"
Boom. There it is, scriptural proof! Me saying, "God gave me a mind to use. Figure it out" is in some ways the biggest lie I've fed myself. Truth is, God did give me a mind. But, He gave me a mind for the same reason He gave me everything else I have. He gave me that mind to submit to Him, so that it could be filled with the life that flows when I trust, instead of the death that ensues when I rest on knowledge. It's the difference between eating the emptiness of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and feasting upon The Tree of Life.
So maybe, just maybe the biggest risk isn't really trusting God. Maybe it's trusting in myself.
Kimberly ~ Counselor, speaker, teacher, author and most importantly broken but beloved daughter of Jesus.