A little over 12 years ago I was reading the amazing book by Joshua Harris, “Not Even a Hint”. The title was based on the New International Version’s rendering of Ephesians 5:3 “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality….” In the book Harris was incredibly open about his previous struggle with masturbation. In writing he referenced the fact that although hardly anyone talks about it, the majority of people have masturbated. He then joked that most of his readers upon seeing his open confession of masturbating likely thought, “Better you than me”! Being a fellow struggler in that area, I was so saddened that I began weeping as I wondered why no one was willing to be brave enough to be open about this subject. It was that day I decided that if God set me free, I would be willing to share the truth about this bondage so that others could become free. So, today is the day that you get to read about my struggle and think, “Better you than me”!
I can honestly say that it has been over ten years since I have masturbated. Yep, I’m currently single and also haven’t physically been with anyone ~ so that means 10 orgasm free years. I know in our society orgasm is the pearl of great price. Nonetheless, I’ve survived to tell my story. Much to the shock of society I didn’t die from not having an orgasm nor did I kill anyone. It actually really is possible!
I was exposed to pornography at a young age, and masturbation and a fantasy life developed from there. This was an activity that I soon became involved in compulsively and addictively. I often would engage in this several times a day and became enslaved. I tried to break free many times. Even after becoming a Spirit filled Christian I was still trapped. I would go back and forth in my mind as to whether or not this behavior was wrong (although I really did know deep down that this was NOT God’s plan for me). One day the Lord dealt with me regarding my sin through the following scripture: “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed do all in the name of the Lord Jesus….” Colossians 3:17. Now, to be honest with you I’ve always somewhat prided myself in being an intelligent person. But even with all my smarts, I still couldn’t figure out a way to masturbate “in the name of the Lord Jesus”. That wasn’t the end for me, but it was the beginning of the end. I knew that what I was doing was a coping mechanism, and the Lord also spoke to me from Jeremiah 2:13: “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water”. Wow! What God was telling me was that not only was I failing to allow Him to meet my needs, but to no avail I was trying to find my own way to meet my needs. This was another step on my journey to freedom. Lasting freedom came, though, as I began to be relational with God, others, and myself. Because true healing from any type of sexually addictive behavior comes when we learn to be intimate.
There is hope for anyone struggling with this issue! I was bound for 23 years, and Jesus set me free ~ His desire is for you to be free as well.
Kimberly ~ Counselor, speaker, teacher, author and most importantly broken but beloved daughter of Jesus.